Last night, I did a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad thing.
I told my mom to shut up.
And not in the “Aw, shut up, Ma, you silly girl, you!” way. Not in the quintessential 90s-styled “shut UP!” manner, either. Nope, I straight-up said, “Shut up, Mom,” rude as can be. I was immediately taken aback by my words; my eyes went wide and I apologized as I saw the hurt in her eyes.
There was no good reason for it, either. I was on my laptop, purchasing plane tickets for both of us and trying to figure out pricing and make sure we were on the same flight. She was sitting too close to me and leaning over my shoulder and commenting, and my weird-ass personal space issues and love of doing things myself issues flew up and resulted in a moment of supreme irritation, when I lost my temper and yelled at her.
Maybe saying “shut up” doesn’t seem like a big deal, but my parents never, ever swore or told us to shut up when my siblings and I were kids. We were raised in a household of mutual respect between parents and children, and although my feisty spirit occasionally manifested itself in some less-than-respectful diatribes directed at my parents (especially during my teenage years!), generally we maintained that respect. So, naturally I was a little weirded out by the way those words had poured out of my mouth, unpremeditated and unwanted.
Afterwards, I was in my room thinking about the incident when I happened to notice the remaining goodies from the Pixiepine drink mix giveaway I won. A PMS Escape drink mix was atop the pile, and when I saw it I had one of those super-cliche lightbulb moments.
“Aha!” I thought. “Aunt Irma is on her way – no wonder I got so irritated and overreacted!” Oh, you’re not familiar with Aunt Irma? Maybe you know her as Aunt Flo[w]? Or the Crimson Tide? Yeah. Well, no matter – an Aunt Irma by any other name would result in the same utter crap of PMS.
I hate PMS. Hate, hate, hate it. I despise feeling out of control and knowing that my hormones are controlling my feelings and, occasionally, behaviors. Some months, I just get angry and irritated. Others, I start tearing up at a cheesy episode of Golden Girls or a tender moment in a book. Occasionally, I have extremely rough patches, where for months at a time I totally lose control and experience extreme PMDD symptoms. It straight-up sucks.
Enter this PMS Escape mix. I’m pretty skeptical when it comes to stuff like this, but I figured, what the heck? I’ll give it a try! According to this website, PMS Escape “is a patented blend of simple and complex carbohydrates that are clinically shown to elevate serotonin levels… reduc[e] irritability… improv[e] mood” and “decreas[e] feelings of stress.” Huh. Not bad. I was going to drink it last night, but then I noticed that the package said to take it on an empty stomach (one hour before eating or two after). I’d just had a delicious dinner of Dad’s veggie chili, and I was about to pop some apple crisp into the oven to enjoy during The Office, so I decided to wait until this morning.
How very... pink.
So as soon as I woke up, I poured myself a glass of water and stirred in this shockingly pink powder. Now, I never drank Kool Aid as a kid, and I tend to steer clear of most powdered drink mixes, so I had no idea what to expect as far as taste. I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised. It tasted similar to a Vitamin Water, except slightly more unnatural, but not in a really offensive way. If it had been way too sugary and fake fruit-y, I probably wouldn’t have been able to stand it, but I didn’t have a problem with this drink. Unfortunately, I think I didn’t use enough water, so a bunch of powder gathered on the bottom of the glass, making the last few sips pretty impossible to swallow. All in all, though, it wasn’t bad.
As far as effectiveness, well, I don’t really know! I didn’t feel very irritated all day long, but who knows if that had anything to do with the drink. I’d assume this is the sort of thing you need to drink a few times for the vitamins and minerals to do whatever it is they’re supposed to do to balance you out, so I didn’t really expect to get results from one glass of the stuff. But I figured it couldn’t hurt to try, and who knows – maybe it did help. I’d certainly try it again if another packet came my way.
Also, random – after writing this post I Googled “period euphemisms,” cuz they’re fun and I’m weird, and this PPK thread was the third result. I LOVE VEGANS SO HARD.