Three Degrees of Experimental Failure

Today has been a day of experimentation, with – I’m sorry to say – generally dismal results. It began this morning when I decided that my typical Green Monster (banana/soy milk/kale/soy protein powder) was getting a little boring. Spotting a couple of kiwis sitting abandoned in the fruit bowl, I decided to conquer my fear of the fuzzy fruit and throw one in. I’m not sure why exactly I have an aversion to kiwis, to be honest. When I was young my mom used to cut them up for my siblings and I during the summer, and although VeggaSis and VeggaBro loved them, I… didn’t. But I’m all for giving food a second chance, so into the GM it went.

GM of dooooom.

Well. This GM was kiiinda nasty. First of all, the kale refused to blend nicely. Second, it tasted gross. At first I blamed the kiwi and set about gulping down the Monster, since I hate wasting food. But as I continued drinking – grimacing all the while – I realized that the disgusting taste was more along the lines of an unripe banana than anything. I don’t know about you guys, but there’s something about unripe bananas that makes me want to vomit. Actually, bananas in general have always been troublesome for me; as a kid I hated their texture, and their taste didn’t excite me enough to make me enjoy eating them. These days I can stomach ‘em okay (well, most of the time), but today the unripe banana flavor in my GM defeated my willpower and after I gagged and nearly vomited (TMI, I know), I just couldn’t finish this Monster. At least I only had about half a cup left. MAJOR FAIL.

My next ‘speriment looked pretty innocent from the outside.

La la la, I am an ordinary sandwich...

Seems like your average peanut-butter-on-whole-wheat-flatbread sandwich, right? INCORRECT. Let’s reveal the secret ingredient that made this sammie so memorable!

SURPRISE!

Yes, folks, that is a peanut butter and onion sandwich right there. At some point during my web surfing this morning, I saw someone mention enjoying pb&o sandwiches and I had to learn more. A quick trip to VegWeb opened up the wide world of bizarro peanut butter sandwiches. Being a curious lady, I decided to give this rather unorthodox pairing a shot.

Honestly? I wasn’t feeling it. To be fair, it wasn’t nearly as disgusting as I’d anticipated; the flavors really did sort of cancel each other out. But overall it was just kind of odd. I didn’t toast it as the VegWeb “recipe” suggests, but I kind of doubt that would’ve made much of an improvement. So although it wasn’t utterly repulsive and I didn’t run to the toilet screaming after taking my first bite, I don’t anticipate trying this combo again any time soon. The flavor was just not worth having my mouth taste like onions for the rest of the afternoon. ;) MINOR FAIL.

My third and final experiment should’ve made up for my past two failures. The blog world has been raving about Gena’s banana soft serve for a couple of weeks now, so I thought it was high-time I gave this treat a go. Despite the fact that banana flavoring is not my top choice for any sort of icy treat, I was totally prepared to be amazed by the soft serve.

And, um, I was amazed, but in a terribly, terribly bad way. I was – and am – amazed that the frozen banana chunks appear to have killed the family food processor.

Ooops.

I haven’t told my parents about this yet, as it happened merely half an hour ago. But as soon as I turned on the food processor, it started jumping around and then stopped completely a few seconds later. All subsequent attempts to get it to work failed. I fear the worst. Again, MAJOR FAIL.

Sigh.